i remember when i first met each of one my friends.and how i thought they were so cool and i knew we would become so close.and we would become closer and closer.i would rely on them foranything, and knew they had my back, i could talk forever about stupid things and be the most annoying person in the world, and they wouldn't care.we would never betray one another.but now i just feel like...i don't even know.one by one each one of my good friends have fallen away.totally ignoring me, hurting my feelings immensely, betraying me, disrespecting me.does it ever end?i seriously thought for the first time i had found someone that was going to always be there for me and never make me question them, i dont know, i guess i was wrong....i just feel like they don't have respect for me, or themselves.it's like, if they really cared about me as much as they say they do, then why don't they act like it?they say i mean way more to them than the other person, but if thats the case, then why do you treat the other person so much better than me?fucking up isn't an excuse, not when it happens all the time.
but whatever.it's not like i'm going to do anything about it.i dont have the fucking balls.what happens if im not friends with them anymore?i wont have anybody.yeah, i have other friends, but some of them i know dont have my back, and the others, sometimes i feel they only hang out with me when im with her.and i know if we werent friends anymore, my other friends would never call me up personally and ask me to hang out.i guess maybe its me thats the problem.maybe im a bad friend, ive always tried to be a good friend through whatever, and be  forgiving and aware that i can be wrong sometimes.but i hate it when people hurt me like this.
seriously.the last time i cried because of a friend was fucking Polina, but she was just a straight up bitch, i expected it of her after a while, but not this friend, i didn't think she would ever make me feel so bad as to make me fucking cry.yeah, ofcourse i want her to be happy, but not if it means that i have to be unhappy.
anways...i know im just rambling on and on and on.i just needed to vent.

so it is what it is i guess.
you keep letting me down.
and there's nothing i can or will do about it.
i guess if im going to be your friend, ill just have to learn how to deal with it.
no matter how upset it might make me every single day.
thats fucking life for you.
let downs and screw ups and cowards.
welcome.

if there's one thing i have learned in life its that everyone and everything will eventually screw you over or let you down at one time or another, and you can only rely on yourself to get you through, because people will fuck you over, time and time again, whether they mean to or not.

soooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooo
o
o

the everclear concert was pretty amazing
slightly life changing possibly?
i think so
and now i have been inspired to start learning some songs again
so i am learning how to play wondeful now
my favorite song from them
and lucky for me
its pretty easy to play
cause i suck at the guitar!!!

my fingers hurt :[


im getting my braces off on the 25th!!!
finally!!!

so,
i have an exam on friday that i have yet to start studying for and i have a D in the class because my teacher is imcompident.
my dad won't pick up his phone.
among other people.
i still have a fucking cold.
i hate my new haircut.

GAY.

why do people feel the need to never call someone when they say they will?
and when someone else takes the initiative to call them, why do they never answer?!


GHEY.

last night was just wierd.
just fuckin wierd.

this friday night was the best night ive had in a while.the most fun ive had at the mall, possible ever?!
we did eachother's makeup in sephora and i must say margaret and i did a pretty good job of making alex look SUPA FLY.i tought them how to do the sexy model walk, and a black guy that was wokring said "ohhh yeah girls you do that sexy walk ohhh!"haha.and then alex slapped an old man's ass, and he seemed to like that.and there were also some saddening moments, like margaret's now famous quote - "I'm mourning the loss of premium denim!".

i finally got a new bare minerals brush, thanks to, umm, five fingers? ; ].

hey, i just didnt want to have to pay 25 dollars for a makeup brush, ok?!

DONT JUDGE ME.

lalala, anyways, im getting a hurrcut this saturday, and i can't decide: keep growing it out, or get it cut like a sort of angled bob thing or maybe something like these styles
1
2
3
tell me what you think?

    i really don't know what i was so happy about.i thought everything was going my way, but i think im starting to have a change in luck.why do i always have to complicate things?I should of just let things be.

in other news:
fucking tickets to see placebo are 275 bucks at their cheapest.LAMEEEEE.oh well.i dont care how i get the money, im going and thats that.yup.

I THINK I JUST PISSED IN MY PANTS.
I JUST FOUND OUT PLACEBO IS COMING TO FUCKIN RALIEGH, AND DURING THE SUMMER TOO.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
IM SO PATHETIC, BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
FUCKIN PLACEBO.

Oh, and

TICK

TOCK

do it, now.

So it goes that I have created a livejournal for myself, out of peer pressure....kind of.Even though hardly none to zero of my friends actually have a live journal.But what the hell.I am changing this gay layout to something better as soon as possible.