blackmarktlove

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 02:13:05 GMT

i remember when i first met each of one my friends.and how i thought they were so cool and i knew we would become so close.and we would become closer and closer.i would rely on them foranything, and knew they had my back, i could talk forever about stupid things and be the most annoying person in the world, and they wouldn't care.we would never betray one another.but now i just feel like...i don't even know.one by one each one of my good friends have fallen away.totally ignoring me, hurting my feelings immensely, betraying me, disrespecting me.does it ever end?i seriously thought for the first time i had found someone that was going to always be there for me and never make me question them, i dont know, i guess i was wrong....i just feel like they don't have respect for me, or themselves.it's like, if they really cared about me as much as they say they do, then why don't they act like it?they say i mean way more to them than the other person, but if thats the case, then why do you treat the other person so much better than me?fucking up isn't an excuse, not when it happens all the time.
but whatever.it's not like i'm going to do anything about it.i dont have the fucking balls.what happens if im not friends with them anymore?i wont have anybody.yeah, i have other friends, but some of them i know dont have my back, and the others, sometimes i feel they only hang out with me when im with her.and i know if we werent friends anymore, my other friends would never call me up personally and ask me to hang out.i guess maybe its me thats the problem.maybe im a bad friend, ive always tried to be a good friend through whatever, and be forgiving and aware that i can be wrong sometimes.but i hate it when people hurt me like this.
seriously.the last time i cried because of a friend was fucking Polina, but she was just a straight up bitch, i expected it of her after a while, but not this friend, i didn't think she would ever make me feel so bad as to make me fucking cry.yeah, ofcourse i want her to be happy, but not if it means that i have to be unhappy.
anways...i know im just rambling on and on and on.i just needed to vent.

so it is what it is i guess.
you keep letting me down.
and there's nothing i can or will do about it.
i guess if im going to be your friend, ill just have to learn how to deal with it.
no matter how upset it might make me every single day.
thats fucking life for you.
let downs and screw ups and cowards.
welcome.

the truth

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 02:59:57 GMT

if there's one thing i have learned in life its that everyone and everything will eventually screw you over or let you down at one time or another, and you can only rely on yourself to get you through, because people will fuck you over, time and time again, whether they mean to or not.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 20:19:02 GMT

soooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooo
o
o

the everclear concert was pretty amazing
slightly life changing possibly?
i think so
and now i have been inspired to start learning some songs again
so i am learning how to play wondeful now
my favorite song from them
and lucky for me
its pretty easy to play
cause i suck at the guitar!!!

my fingers hurt :[

im getting my braces off on the 25th!!!
finally!!!

Thu, 31 May 2007 00:45:35 GMT

so,
i have an exam on friday that i have yet to start studying for and i have a D in the class because my teacher is imcompident.
my dad won't pick up his phone.
among other people.
i still have a fucking cold.
i hate my new haircut.

GAY.

Tue, 29 May 2007 22:48:26 GMT

why do people feel the need to never call someone when they say they will?
and when someone else takes the initiative to call them, why do they never answer?!

GHEY.

Sun, 20 May 2007 23:07:05 GMT

last night was just wierd.
just fuckin wierd.

Mon, 14 May 2007 01:07:17 GMT

this friday night was the best night ive had in a while.the most fun ive had at the mall, possible ever?!
we did eachother's makeup in sephora and i must say margaret and i did a pretty good job of making alex look SUPA FLY.i tought them how to do the sexy model walk, and a black guy that was wokring said "ohhh yeah girls you do that sexy walk ohhh!"haha.and then alex slapped an old man's ass, and he seemed to like that.and there were also some saddening moments, like margaret's now famous quote - "I'm mourning the loss of premium denim!".

i finally got a new bare minerals brush, thanks to, umm, five fingers? ; ].

hey, i just didnt want to have to pay 25 dollars for a makeup brush, ok?!

DONT JUDGE ME.

lalala, anyways, im getting a hurrcut this saturday, and i can't decide: keep growing it out, or get it cut like a sort of angled bob thing or maybe something like these styles
1
2
3
tell me what you think?

Wed, 09 May 2007 23:31:36 GMT

i really don't know what i was so happy about.i thought everything was going my way, but i think im starting to have a change in luck.why do i always have to complicate things?I should of just let things be.

in other news:
fucking tickets to see placebo are 275 bucks at their cheapest.LAMEEEEE.oh well.i dont care how i get the money, im going and thats that.yup.

Shine the headlight, straight into my eyes.
Like the roadkill, I'm paralysed.
You see through my disguise

At the drive-in, double feature,
pull the lever, break the fever
and say your last goodbyes.

Since I was born I started to decay.
Now nothing ever ever goes my way

One fluid gesture, like stepping back in time.
Trapped in amber, petrified.
And still not satisfied

Airs and social graces, elocution so divine.
I'll stick to my needle, and my favourite waste of time,
both spineless and sublime.

Since I was born I started to decay.
Now nothing ever - ever goes my way.

Mon, 07 May 2007 23:11:55 GMT

I THINK I JUST PISSED IN MY PANTS.
I JUST FOUND OUT PLACEBO IS COMING TO FUCKIN RALIEGH, AND DURING THE SUMMER TOO.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
IM SO PATHETIC, BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
FUCKIN PLACEBO.

Revolution; dope, guns, fucking in the streets!

Mon, 07 May 2007 00:50:31 GMT

Oh, and

TICK

TOCK

do it, now.

Mon, 07 May 2007 00:16:04 GMT

So I have recently found out that Ewan McGregor lypsynchs in moulin rouge.and i think my heart just broke.

In other news, thursday was pretty awesome, I don't remember when people came and went and what order of events things happened, but I do remember that the night ended on a pretty good note.; ].?!?!?!.yeah.i spent two whole days at Alex's.Friday we FINALLY figured out how to get to cary, and I got to see the new spidey, it was more funny than sad in my opinion.fuckin connor oberst replaces toby mcguire though.egh.my ears are bleading because i tried to go from size 12 gauges to size 7s with spacers.its not working out too well.

Bitches and hoes!
Bitches and hoes!
Not whipped!
Not whipped!

Thu, 03 May 2007 19:05:40 GMT

Party tonight.Ahhhhh :/.What if I make an idiot out of myself?As usual?I should really stop worrying so much.Josh apparently thinks he is going to hook up with me tonight, but I might die before that ever happens, egh.Anyways im not so excited about some Etch-a-Sketches that are showing up but what can you doooo.I'm sure tomorrow I will have alot to say on this situation.Keep your eyes open.

Who the fuck do you think you are
Get out of my hair
who the fuck do you think you are
Comin' round here
who the fuck who the fuck
who the fuck do you think you are

I'm not like other girls
You can't straighten my curls
I'm not like other girls
You can't straighten my curls

No!

Wed, 02 May 2007 21:25:08 GMT

I am so happy!Tomorrow is Thursday, and I can't fucking wait. There's a litle get together at Alex's house and you know shit is going down.I'm anticipating all the things that are going to happen, there is bound to be some amazing things unfolding, I won't go into details:].I've been sun-bathing with the NC crew everyday afterschool, but I don't seem to even be getting sunburn, which is amazing....but uhh yeah.Adam tried to kill Alex and I with his car today, which, you know, was just a great start to my day.So to do a quick update on people, jeanie is still Africa with legs, STD's and all, I'm talking to josh again, which is cool, Christine still suceeds at annoying me daily, anddddd oh!I hate hippies and pseudo-bohemian non-conformists who think that they know all.Get a fucking real perspective on life and a goddamn razor to shave with.THanKS.

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, some even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could
But that's just bullshit
People just ain't no good

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 23:41:49 GMT

So it goes that I have created a livejournal for myself, out of peer pressure....kind of.Even though hardly none to zero of my friends actually have a live journal.But what the hell.I am changing this gay layout to something better as soon as possible.